Today in psychology we watched "Girl, Interrupted" a film set in a mental institution. I'm not here to talk about the film, suffice it to say that Angelina Jolie plays a socio-path called Lisa. As I watched I realized that I envy socio-paths, socio-pathy is not an affliction but an ideal state I wish I could inhabit. I cannot help but have at least a modicum of care for the well-being and even opinions of others, no matter how much I loathe my own mind for it.
Every day I find new things to hate about society, yet I cannot escape it. Almost everything gives me the desire to do something cruel and yet no matter how hard I try I cannot bring myself to act on these desires. I can explain it best using Freud's tripartite personality, my mind is totally ruled by the Id, but somehow I cannot remove the influence of the superego on the actions of my body. I am incapable of doing the things I wish for fear of how others will perceive it, a pathetic notion I know.
If you are a socio-/psychopath (and lets be honest they're the same thing with different names), you are unlikely to care but oh well I'm saying it, then I idolize your view of the word, in fact I share it, and wish I could act on the impulses of my mind in the way you can. No matter how much I may wish too I cannot force myself to live up to my full self serving potential.
I realize that there will be people coming up with things like "but they have to work so hard to fit into society" "why would you want an illness" etc etc. But I don't want to fit into society and it isn't an illness. With, true, full on socio-pathy the fitting in issue would be gone, and so there would be no struggle.
There are people who will disagree but I do have basic human compassion. I just don't want it.
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